Hundreds of Utah Students Sent to Hospitals

Hundreds of young Utah students were sent to area hospitals today after teachers and principals, though with best intentions, sent the students out to the playgrounds to bury their heads in the sand. "We just wanted to protect their young closed minds from the real world" one teacher confessed, referring to the impending speech to students by President Obama.

All of the rescued students were later released from the hospital with little no more than sand between their ears. To the surprise of many, the students who listened to the Presidents speech suffered no harm and later in the day were seen preparing for college.